On motherhood....sometimes a very thankless job
So...on this blog I try to be upbeat. Not complain too much. Stay positive. You get the idea...well today I have to vent. Lately I feel like all I am doing is picking up toys, cleaning our home, walking the dog, doing home errands, driving Memphis to and from school, helping with homework, laundry...laundry...laundry....and I am not doing enough for me. I have not been able to sew much.
When I do have a chance it seems I am either ready for bed (exhausted) or I have to help with something else that is not my own. Like this week...Memphis was sick Monday and Tuesday...stayed home from school. She had a cold virus, slight fever and felt really crummy. This is the week of her Valentine's day party in her class and the week that she got to go to a Valentine's day party in the evening. It was a fund raiser event for the PTA and we signed her up. Her best buddy was there and it was last night...she had a blast....but she did not finish her Valentine's due to afore mentioned sickness and barely had time for her homework. (because if you miss two days you have two additional days to catch up on) They also made their Valentine's day bags at school one of the days she was out sick and she did not have time for that either. Seriously, when your kid is feeling bad she barely has time to do her homework and eat dinner. So I helped her with all the homework, I made the Valentines, I made the bag for the Valentines and a few of my evenings were eaten up. That's okay, I want to help...I do love her to pieces after all and it is my job as Super Mama to help with all the little things. The little things always turn out to be the very most important things in the universe.....and all this week Soren (will be 2 years old in April) was a total spitfire and a half. Yelling, getting mad when he does not get what he wants right now, wanting something every 20 seconds, trying to eat snacks all the time instead of meals, throwing toys at his sister, biting and basically destroying worlds...well ours anyway. So this morning while I was in the middle of my usual madness that is my morning...trying to get Memphis to school on time...I was showing her the Valentines and telling her to make sure not to crush them. She looks in the bag and says 'oh great! They are supposed to be in alphabetical order' and then she stamps her foot down a few times and walks off in a huff. My feelings were very hurt. Then we drop her off and we go to TJ Maxx to find a small Valentine's gift for hubby...and the entire time Soren was bonkers and in the end he was just yelling. He had already thrown all the snacks I had brought on the ground and drank the bottle I had with us. So on the way home...while he was endlessly screaming...I cried just a little....but kinda really deep sobs. He fell asleep before I cried. I know, I know much worse things are happening in the world and I am a very lucky person to have all I have but today...today is the day that I have every once in awhile. The kind of day that I just feel lost...like I have lost myself just a little. I love both my kids dearly but today...today I am having a bit of trouble. I know tomorrow will be better (especially since Jason will be home) but today seems endless and so I thought I would vent. Say in words...put it out there and maybe just maybe I would find myself again...Happy Weekending to all of you...and to all you Ma's out there I just want to tell you YOU ARE MARVELOUS, FANTASTIC, GORGEOUS and you are doing a great job so just hang in there with me!! There is strength in numbers you know :)!
posted by lookwhaticando @ 12:39 PM
14 Comments:
Oh Dawn, I've been there. I have soooo been there. And I get that you feel bad for yourself and then you feel guilty for feeling bad for yourself. I totally understand.
So here's the thing. You are a great and wonderful mom. You love those two to pieces. And you are human. You are allowed to be, in fact you are supposed to be. Give yourself a break. Read a trashy novel while Soren trashes the house. Watch a movie while he takes a nap. Paint your fingernails lime green. I find if I even do one small thing that is just for me it really helps.
You have to read this book: The divided Heart- Art and Motherhood by Rachel power.
It is about the pull between being a mother and being creative... their are so mnay of us who totally absolutely completely understand the frustrations you are feeling.
yes i remember those days. though now with rose coloured glasses. with both girls in school now things are so much easier. they grow up quickly. in the meantime do try and grab time for yourself. good advice up there! you are doing an amazing job!!! xo
oh my god! I just want to grab your kids for an impromptu whatever distraction so you can just take off for a sec! I have so been there, hurt feelings and all!
big super hugs to you!
i think all of us mom's have been there
numerous times over for me but then i did have five children
i tell everyone life begins again when you last child turns five
suddenly there is "me" time again and even "us" time if there happens to be an "us"
Your second child sounds like my second child:)
I love that even when you are totally frazzled you still manage to be uplifting. Good wishes your way! You are a wonderful mama!!!
Dawn! I know those days! We all have them. Hang in there and try to get some time for just you this weekend. Big hugs!
This post makes me feel better about having those days, myself. Sometimes I wonder how wonderful, creative bloggers (like YOU) find time in the day to make such beautiful things. It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one struggling to find time in the day that's truly just for me.
Thanks for venting! I have those days too, and I only have one kid (who sounds very similar in temperament to Soren, by the way).
Sunday is not only Valentine's but also Mother's Day here in Norway, so I'd like to send a special greeting to you. You're a great Mum as well as a creative person and you're doing great even if it doesn't always feel that way :-)
Hi Dawn,
I'm glad I read your post today. My youngest son sounds just like yours. He is my world, but OMG the kid can get crazy sometimes and I just sit back and let him have at it. Its seems to be the easiest way for me to not lose my cool.
I work part-time right now and I've been really considering quitting my job and staying home full time with my boys. I can totally relate to the day you had. I've had many of those days.
Just know you are not alone. At the end of the day your kids really do appreciate you, even when they don't express it in the nicest way.
Stay Strong!
I'll echo what all the other mamas are saying and tell you that I have been there too! Thank you for being real and venting -- it feels reassuring to know that we all experience the many emotions of motherhood, whether they are joyous or frustrating. For the record, I think you are an awesome mom!
You're a super mom and don't ever forget it. My son can throw at fit that makes me feel like the worst mother in the whole world. All the work I put into teaching him, the good food he eats and all the extra creative things I do with him can feel like a complete waste.
But, it's not really like that. Mommying really is hard. And all your hard work does pay off. Just not in actual money, damn it!
You rock.
I want to say fuck other stuff that is going on in the world that make you feel like your problems are trivial, i wish you didnt feel bad about feeling bad, it's all relative and in your personal world this is whats going on and its hard.
I cant imagine how you do it, i really cant! I babysit my niece and nephews a lot and sometimes i want to cry when the baby wont stop crying and that's just one babe for 6 hrs. I cant imagine 2 spirited kids 24/7.
My hats off to you that you aren't rocking in a corner.
LOVE,Danielle
My wife struggles with this very issue. She is also a photographer and has started a photoblog called Art and Motherhood (www.artandmotherhood.com) to explore what it means to try to be successful at being creative and being a mother.
She is one of the bravest people I know for the honesty and vulnerability she is capturing in her images.
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