What we think we become
Our summer went by in the blink of an eye. I was so busy keeping Memphis in touch with her old school chums...running off to the parks...driving back and forth...having many visitors...unpacking...settling in...playing in the kiddie pool...getting ready to start Memphis in a brand new school...making sure Soren got his naps...washing the car...cleaning the house and cleaning it again...decorating our first ever home...
It's a blur of madness and joy. We ended it with a 9th Birthday Party for Ms. Memphis...we rented a bouncy house...because we have a big back yard now...and about 20 of her friends and some of their parents stayed too and wow....I was shell shocked for a few days but it really went well. I seriously can not believe Halloween is right around the corner and that the days are getting shorter. I have also been reading up on Buddhism and finding that it really resonates with me...
which brings me to my next point. Long story short my brother and his wife have exited our lives. Many details left out, my niece left home at 17 to go and live with my cousin and my Ma and Dad helped with money a bit. She could not longer live there. I will not share details and I try not to ever get this personal but it continues on and on. Now my 65 year old mother is stressed out because my niece will be living with her now and going to community college. Her parents refuse to help her at all and I feel lost. He is my only sibling. I do not know how to handle it. So I have decided not to. Occasionally I will return an email and try not to say too much because when I have there is trouble. I am sent religious, specifically Christian emails but get very little other news from said brother/sister-in-law. So I guess the reason I am asking is...I have strong spiritual beliefs but they are not rooted in one religion. I have always tried very hard to be a kind person and when I have wronged someone I have tried to right it.
Lately I am trying to live in the moment. Trying to make all my reactions ones out of love and when I make a mistake I forgive myself for letting my emotions lead me down the wrong path.
I guess it might be time to realize I no longer have a brother as I have been rejected so many times. Oh life...why are you so hard sometimes?
Thank goodness for my own little family...they are my life and I guess that is what I must focus on now. :)